Auguste Art - Digital and Traditional Fine Art Paintings!

Auguste Art - Digital and Traditional Fine Art Paintings

reneeauguste.blogspot.com

See all my friend's digital and traditional art on her new blog! Maybe she can make something beautiful for you too! She has been selling her art since 1992! Here is Renee Auguste's Art Blog where she now displays the painting she did for me!

Feeling lost!

See this picture of me above looking happy? Well there is a sadness in me lately that I can't seem to shake and I am scared. I have been unemployed for 15 months. I feel as part of me is slipping further away with each rejection of a prospective employer. All I want to do is work and be able to take care of myself. Since I am 15 years of age I have never been without work this long. I feel lost like I don't know how to present myself so they could see how capable I am or that I really would like the opportunity without seeming desperate. I feel as if I am an outsider looking in on my life and nobody can hear me...

So the plan is now that my husbands car has been repossessed and my rental lease is up at my current apartment that we move into a more affordable space and live under my husbands income. This way I can gather my self respect up not feel like a failure and be able to live without so much stress on me getting employment. This was not a easy decision for me. I struggled with it trying to maintain hope I would find something before my unemployment ran out. But, I am emotionally spent for this whole process this past 15 months...

So we gave 60 days notice as requested even though my lease ends Aug 20th. I am not sure how I am going to afford the rent here the last month as a month to month rate of over $1,000.00 and find the money to support the move at the same time. But, I will ease myself through the process and be out of this apartment by 9/30/2010.. Hope to move the weekend of sat 9/25! I wish in some way there was someone to help ease my burden right now...

Dawn

A need to rediscover my self....

Where to begin with this blog.. I have so many things on my mind today.

I am yearning for some changes.. I think I have been loosing parts of the self I used to be and it is to the point I don't recognize the person I am right now.. I have been trying to change that and recapture things that bring me joy and peace again. Part of that awakening was because I had a friend in my life again who also shared some things with me I had packed away. Recently I have been bringing my crystals back into my life and meditating again.. My former self was less into a structured lifestyle... And I have been seeing changes in my attitude since I brought back some of my former selfs rituals.. But, I am longing for more change...

I have become discontent in my surroundings... Yes, I still have the sun and the warmth here in Phoenix, AZ... And for the most part it is beautiful here most of the year through. I think it is apartment living or the vibe in this building lately.. There was a glimmer of hope of maybe some friends moving in to the building and that was a high expectation to put on someone.. No one person can be your hope.. Hope, Joy, and Peace are jobs done from within... My friends found that relocation was a better fit for them and I wish them well on their journey.

What I need is a reinvention of who I am and to find myself... I am not my former job, I am not miss suburban girl, but who have I evolved into? What is the current state of my being? I need to figure out what will make me happy and bring me joy again. I need to find peace and be content with who I am and my surroundings.. Does that mean a relocation for me as well? I need to look inward and start listening to my soul's voice again.. This is a process I need help with.. Where to begin? I know bringing back parts of myself I have shelved and incorporating that into my life tweaked of course to fit my beliefs as they have evolved. But, what do I want and what will bring back the joy in my life again.. Only I can soul search for those answers.. But, I need help on the process.. Any suggestions on an inward journey?

Missing California and Beaches...

I have lived on both the west coast and the east coast... I currently live in Phoenix, AZ

I have to say pools are good to cool off locally.. But, nothing beats swimming in the surf and playing in the waves at the beach. Today I am missing friends in California which got me thinking about the beaches there... the photos above make me want to be there and seeing my friends.

I think I am home sick for the west coast now that I am back in contact with friends from my past there... And the fact things here leave me feeling like something is missing.

Dawn

I am blessed with good friends!

Hello everyone.. As I sit here remembering good times at Karaoke Saturday night for a friends birthday and fond memories from times spent with good friends in college 22 years ago. I realize my life may not be full of historical moments but for the most part I have enjoyed the journey.

I have terrific friends.. And thanks to facebook I have high school and college friends back in my life who I had always kept in my heart but never knew I would speak to again. I want to tell you all who have touched my life then and have returned or are now part of my life that you all make me smile and feel fulfilled. Friends are life's blessings!

Dawn

Bad day...

Today was a bad day at my current temp to perm situation.. It was the first day I didn't like being there. And at this early in the game I should be enjoying it if it is a good fit for me..

I know I went in not feeling well so that may play a part in it. And I didn't get much sleep. But, I made a mistake I admitted it and fixed it and for some reason was so stressed over it I cried and it felt like I wasn't working out for them. The big boss advised me we all make mistakes and it isn't the end of the world. But, I was hurt, upset and unsettled over it and cried for a few minutes before I gained composure. One if the guys that made me feel uncomfortable apologized and said there is no crying at the scrap yard he said it was like baseball there is not place for it there. I know he was trying to comfort me in his own way but I almost felt like I didn't want to go back.

I am grateful to the staffing agency for placing me right away after I signed up with them. I am learning to accept things and trust in the universe so I will not make a rash decision. I hope tomorrow is a better day. I will give this a chance since it is only my third week.

Dawn

Opinions everyone's is different..

I am trying real hard to see everything in my life as a gift. I want to live a happy positive life. So does that mean I never get upset or share a difference of opinion without emotion or raising my voice when I get upset? This is my issue.. At times I find it hard to be susie sunshine and just nod and accept the things around me. I get emotional and loudly voice my opinion in sometimes a not so nice tone.

Once I voice it I move on. But, then the other person has hurt feelings. How do I voice my opinion and feel it counts without hurting the people close to me? I am not perfect. I strive for balance and a positive outlook. I am still human and I will not be able to hold my tongue or accept everything without anger all the time. I sincerely don't want to hurt those I love and feel voicing my opinion should not hurt their feelings. But, maybe it is my delivery that needs work.. who knows. Today started somber after a disagreement that got out of control last night. I am sad at what happened but maintain I am being judged for having an emotional opinion. If it is my delivery because I snapped for snapping I am sorry not for the opinion. Or is it better to just not voice my opinions? That to me doesn't seem fair.. Pondering with a heavy heart.

Dawn