My Father...

I have been thinking about my father lately. When life get's me down I think about the kind of man my dad was and how he cared for me. My father never was mean or unkind to anyone that I am aware of.. He was always there for me. Faced with the challenges in my life right now. I look at people in my life I have reached out to for help and their responses. I am amazed with the lack of care or concern around me. My father taught me if you are able to help anyone you do. I have shared food, money and anything I had to offer because I was lent to believe that is what you do for people you care about . Without asking anything in return. I am not saying this to be a martyr. It goes to the character my dad instilled in me.

My dad was a wonderful man who taught me how to love and care for the people I choose to have in my life. I wish there were more people like him in this world who show community support and love for other people. It sure would make for a better world.

Emotions we all have them.....

Today is one of those days I am left alone in the house with my feelings and emotions. So I sit here trying to make any sense of them. Here goes nothing...

I hate to talk about my regrets but they have been surfacing lately. I really should have tried to finish college. So I am now an unemployed 43 year old female finding it hard to get a job. One friend has been pressuring me to go back to school saying if they did I could too. I don't feel I am giving excuses... I have unpaid loans from years ago I never had the resources to pay off. So problem number one I do not qualify for a loan. I tried a couple times in recent years to go back to school. Problem two with my current budget even when I was working I can not afford over $900.00 a month or to pay tuition up front which was my only option where I tried to enroll.

I am at a point of nowhere to turn... I have tried asking family for help. Which bring me to a side note. The same family that said move to Arizona and we will be there to support you emotionally and physically if we can. And hence since has taken a tough love approach to my husband and myself. And my own aunt has not even responded to my emails, calls or letter sent through the postal system.

I see on the TV every day help for single moms... I am neither single or a mother! No offense to any of my friends that are... just wishing I fit the model to get some help for myself. As my unemployment is quickly coming to an end and I have been unemployed since 5/01/09. I want to cry out! I need help too can anyone assist me?

The truth is as like for many my self worth means working, helping my husband pay the bills and having money to enjoy life. I am frustrated with the economy. I see people donating outside the US. I feel anger that there isn't any help for the millions of Americans in my same situation. There are not enough jobs for the people unemployed. Some states are hit real hard... When are things going to look up for everyone?? Why isn't there assistance for people like me? Where is the community that holds up their fellow neighbors and helps out when the call is out there.... OK, feeling purged time to now meditate and contact the universe and let it know I am ready to live my abundant universe....