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Friday, October 28, 2016

New self

Since this is my first post in a while maybe I should catch everyone up. After moving to California in November of 2014 we had lived in an apartment in Menifee, CA. In February 2016 we closed on our house in Hemet, CA. Right after we closed on our house I had a three-level anterior cervical discectomy where they removed C4, C5 and C6 and replaced them with spacers. Here is the lovely picture of my after X-ray and me with my neck brace on..

I don't post much about my weight loss since 2008 when I was diagnosed with diabetes my weight has been up down and all over the place. I made a decision this year no more and had the Sleeve Gastrectomy Surgery. Since 2008 at my highest weight I was 285.. I could not get below 200 pounds and my weight was up and down due to diets and going back to bad eating habits. I needed something I could not or would not risk bad eating habits with again which is why I opted for weight loss surgery after over 6 months of appointment...s and psychological reviews. I know not all my friends agree with this but this was my health. I weighed 227.6 at my pre op appointment 6/16/16 and 223 the day of surgery 6/18/16. Today I am 180.6 pounds down 47 since my pre op appointment and 104.4 from my highest weight. I don't want congratulations or to gain likes on this post. This is just me making an announcement your words or likes are not why I did this. I did this for me and I feel accomplished today. I am off all my diabetic medications and I am almost half way to my goal weight around 130 pounds per my surgeon.

I face difficulties diabetic nerve pain as discovered by my EMG nerve conduction test. I have pain daily. This is my fault and I take responsibility for that and I am working with three doctors to bring this all together for the end result. 

I am working towards loving myself and trying to love the person in the mirror I post this for myself since.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Three-level anterior cervical discectomy

Dear friends, I have been home on disability since surgery 3/7/16. I have nerve damage from three bulging disks. So I have a three-level anterior cervical discectomy removing C4, C5 and C6 replaced with spacers for fusion. It has not been easy. I am in physical therapy learning to move my left arm fully and reduce pain. I lost my job because I couldn't drive and because I wasn't there a year I wasn't protected by FMLA. I need prayers or good vibes sent my way. I am feeling down and loosing my spark. I color and read and swim in my pool. But, we just bought this house and I am in fear of loosing it... needing help in Southern California

Friday, January 16, 2015

Just for Today!

Just for today..

It has taken me some years to realize a very easy concept.. To live in the moment. I should not worry about the what if's or the past.. What I can do is keep track of my responsibilities such as bills and making sure when I give my word I keep it. Beyond that the past is over I should not ponder there and the future is fluid and can change in a moment.

In the past I have stressed over how things were going to work out and to be honest in my current situation the stress has tried to live in my present. I finally had to sit back and logically go back to what I can control, me. So I have a budget, I track my bills, and I continue to look for work. It isn't magic. It isn't going to stop all the stress but I can look at things one at a time. I put my bills in a spread sheet with due dates. I have a budget and I try to keep to it the best I can...

My big hurdle right now since we relocated for my husbands job I am unemployed and looking for work. My income is needed for our monthly bills and our plans for the future. We are finally focused on our goals.

My husband know this move would be hard. I wasn't wanting to struggle but he had a long term goal and our happiness in his mind. I was very resistant because we had not struggled for a few years and it wasn't easy to know this wasn't going to go smooth. But, I have to admit it has been a long time since I left California and I always wanted to return. Waiting for the right time sometimes makes the dream a never reachable goal. My husband wanted a promotion and to prove himself.. This being his second promotion in 2014. He knew I longed for this place from my past and he wanted to give that to me. He asked me to trust him. So here I am back in California. This move was the hardest and most stressful move I think I have ever faced. I need a job to make this work.. But, I am taking this as it comes and trying to remain hopeful it will all work out.


Thursday, January 8, 2015

Today is Thursday 01/08/2015

Today is Thursday 01/08/2015

This year is brand new and I am in need of putting my head in the right mind set... I have goals I would like to accomplish this year.. I may need assistance with... I have a bankruptcy from 2010 and my credit score has become fair it is 662.. I need it to be over 700. To do that I need to establish new credit and be in good standing. Not only do I have the bankruptcy because I had been unemployed for 2 years but we have reported bad credit from the credit cards we had then... When we went to see if we could be approved for a loan for a house we fell short of the VA loan we wanted for no money down. They said we needed three open lines of credit. My problem is that we are having a hard time finding good credit cards that don't have a yearly fee or monthly service charge because of the bankruptcy. As hard as it is to hear we may need to pay high fees to establish this line of credit to obtain and reach our goals. We have worked so hard since 2010 to pay our bills on time and only use money we had for everything.

Right now the year starts and I am unemployed because of the relocation of my husbands job with promotion. Money is tighter than it has been in years. We have had some recent overdraft fees. And I sit here willing to go through whatever I have to for improving my credit.
California is where I always wanted to move back to.. I need stable employment. I want to reach my goals. I need to investigated further and stay on track.

All of this would be helped with employment so I search everyday.. I remain hopeful that one day I will be able to purchase my own house and not be scared when I want to make a big purchase and they have to check my credit. I am 48 and I am responsible. I am just looking to find a place to live out the rest of my life with stability.. I can make this come true!


Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Under the weather...

Hello friends..

I am feeling under the weather today and I am in the need of rest. I have not slept a good nights sleep since moving here. And today my health is feeling down.. It started yesterday the nauseous feeling, head pounding, and aches all over and feeling chills when the weather outside is warm.

I am going to try and lay down again and hopefully feel better.


Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Welcome 2015..

So, 2015 new year, back in California, and I just turned 48

I would like to say I have mastered some kind of enlightenment. I do continue to grow and change and handle and look at things very differently. But, here is my truth. I am just getting better at being me and understanding myself. I like the beach. I have a husband. I am not that complicated. I am looking for work in my new location. We moved here to Menifee, CA because my husband Charles was promoted and relocated by his employer. This is his second promotion this year and I am very proud of him. But, this move was not easy. I felt rushed and frantic. We moved from a two bedroom to a one bedroom because we didn't have the money when we needed it to get the deal on the two bedroom.. It was very upsetting. Money is tight right now we have to wait to be reimbursed for the move. There was supposed to be an end of the year bonus that last year was dispersed at the end of December.. well we are still waiting for corporate... I am handling it.. But, we have worked very hard being responsible with our bills and money.. But, all these things are out of my control. 

This is what I can control how I react to what is going on in our lives. It is easy to look alright on the outside. But, I get so stressed. I forget that I cannot control it. But the truth I do not control any outside influence. 

In my honest opinion I secretly wish I could control anything. But, it is like making plans and watching the universe laugh at you and have things go in different directions. I am here still trying to make plans to make this year a great transformation for me, my husband, and change and improve our lives and reach our goals. It is our time to be more responsible, and do what we need to change our lives for the better. We are desperately trying to get to the point where we can buy a house.. It is buckle down time.. I think we can do it but this will be a challenge. This is an exciting thing to look forward to and once we get there we can say we made it. I will say my prayers and set things up the best I can and take things as they come.. Welcome 2015!!


Wednesday, December 3, 2014

California Dreaming

Looking back I have not posted anything in about two years here at BlogSpot.

I am in the middle of a relocation to Southern California because my husbands job is moving him here. So begins a new chapter in my life. I have always wanted to return to California. I didn't know how that would happen. Come to find out my husband told someone at work he would like to go to California for me. This promotion isn't about me he deserved this. But, the reason he found out about a job in California was directly related to me because he mentioned it to his employer because we had been talking about leaving Arizona. 

With that said I think I was scared once the reality was upon us. I have not lived in California for 32 years. I last visited 27 years ago and that is a long time not to see the friends I had made, loved and moved away from. 

I  still do not know how I will feel being closer and able to visit with them. Will we still have things in common. Will we have anything to talk about after all this time? Theese questions and more I think about. That and the stress of moving, having to get back to AZ to get my belongings, and needing to find a job before the end of January.