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Friday, August 13, 2010

Auguste Art - Digital and Traditional Fine Art Paintings!

See all my friend's digital and traditional art on her new blog! Maybe she can make something beautiful for you too! She has been selling her art since 1992! Here is Renee Auguste's Art Blog where she now displays the painting she did for me!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Feeling lost!

See this picture of me above looking happy? Well there is a sadness in me lately that I can't seem to shake and I am scared. I have been unemployed for 15 months. I feel as part of me is slipping further away with each rejection of a prospective employer. All I want to do is work and be able to take care of myself. Since I am 15 years of age I have never been without work this long. I feel lost like I don't know how to present myself so they could see how capable I am or that I really would like the opportunity without seeming desperate. I feel as if I am an outsider looking in on my life and nobody can hear me...

So the plan is now that my husbands car has been repossessed and my rental lease is up at my current apartment that we move into a more affordable space and live under my husbands income. This way I can gather my self respect up not feel like a failure and be able to live without so much stress on me getting employment. This was not a easy decision for me. I struggled with it trying to maintain hope I would find something before my unemployment ran out. But, I am emotionally spent for this whole process this past 15 months...

So we gave 60 days notice as requested even though my lease ends Aug 20th. I am not sure how I am going to afford the rent here the last month as a month to month rate of over $1,000.00 and find the money to support the move at the same time. But, I will ease myself through the process and be out of this apartment by 9/30/2010.. Hope to move the weekend of sat 9/25! I wish in some way there was someone to help ease my burden right now...


Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A need to rediscover my self....

Where to begin with this blog.. I have so many things on my mind today.

I am yearning for some changes.. I think I have been loosing parts of the self I used to be and it is to the point I don't recognize the person I am right now.. I have been trying to change that and recapture things that bring me joy and peace again. Part of that awakening was because I had a friend in my life again who also shared some things with me I had packed away. Recently I have been bringing my crystals back into my life and meditating again.. My former self was less into a structured lifestyle... And I have been seeing changes in my attitude since I brought back some of my former selfs rituals.. But, I am longing for more change...

I have become discontent in my surroundings... Yes, I still have the sun and the warmth here in Phoenix, AZ... And for the most part it is beautiful here most of the year through. I think it is apartment living or the vibe in this building lately.. There was a glimmer of hope of maybe some friends moving in to the building and that was a high expectation to put on someone.. No one person can be your hope.. Hope, Joy, and Peace are jobs done from within... My friends found that relocation was a better fit for them and I wish them well on their journey.

What I need is a reinvention of who I am and to find myself... I am not my former job, I am not miss suburban girl, but who have I evolved into? What is the current state of my being? I need to figure out what will make me happy and bring me joy again. I need to find peace and be content with who I am and my surroundings.. Does that mean a relocation for me as well? I need to look inward and start listening to my soul's voice again.. This is a process I need help with.. Where to begin? I know bringing back parts of myself I have shelved and incorporating that into my life tweaked of course to fit my beliefs as they have evolved. But, what do I want and what will bring back the joy in my life again.. Only I can soul search for those answers.. But, I need help on the process.. Any suggestions on an inward journey?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Missing California and Beaches...

I have lived on both the west coast and the east coast... I currently live in Phoenix, AZ

I have to say pools are good to cool off locally.. But, nothing beats swimming in the surf and playing in the waves at the beach. Today I am missing friends in California which got me thinking about the beaches there... the photos above make me want to be there and seeing my friends.

I think I am home sick for the west coast now that I am back in contact with friends from my past there... And the fact things here leave me feeling like something is missing.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I am blessed with good friends!

Hello everyone.. As I sit here remembering good times at Karaoke Saturday night for a friends birthday and fond memories from times spent with good friends in college 22 years ago. I realize my life may not be full of historical moments but for the most part I have enjoyed the journey.

I have terrific friends.. And thanks to facebook I have high school and college friends back in my life who I had always kept in my heart but never knew I would speak to again. I want to tell you all who have touched my life then and have returned or are now part of my life that you all make me smile and feel fulfilled. Friends are life's blessings!


Monday, April 12, 2010

Bad day...

Today was a bad day at my current temp to perm situation.. It was the first day I didn't like being there. And at this early in the game I should be enjoying it if it is a good fit for me..

I know I went in not feeling well so that may play a part in it. And I didn't get much sleep. But, I made a mistake I admitted it and fixed it and for some reason was so stressed over it I cried and it felt like I wasn't working out for them. The big boss advised me we all make mistakes and it isn't the end of the world. But, I was hurt, upset and unsettled over it and cried for a few minutes before I gained composure. One if the guys that made me feel uncomfortable apologized and said there is no crying at the scrap yard he said it was like baseball there is not place for it there. I know he was trying to comfort me in his own way but I almost felt like I didn't want to go back.

I am grateful to the staffing agency for placing me right away after I signed up with them. I am learning to accept things and trust in the universe so I will not make a rash decision. I hope tomorrow is a better day. I will give this a chance since it is only my third week.


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Opinions everyone's is different..

I am trying real hard to see everything in my life as a gift. I want to live a happy positive life. So does that mean I never get upset or share a difference of opinion without emotion or raising my voice when I get upset? This is my issue.. At times I find it hard to be susie sunshine and just nod and accept the things around me. I get emotional and loudly voice my opinion in sometimes a not so nice tone.

Once I voice it I move on. But, then the other person has hurt feelings. How do I voice my opinion and feel it counts without hurting the people close to me? I am not perfect. I strive for balance and a positive outlook. I am still human and I will not be able to hold my tongue or accept everything without anger all the time. I sincerely don't want to hurt those I love and feel voicing my opinion should not hurt their feelings. But, maybe it is my delivery that needs work.. who knows. Today started somber after a disagreement that got out of control last night. I am sad at what happened but maintain I am being judged for having an emotional opinion. If it is my delivery because I snapped for snapping I am sorry not for the opinion. Or is it better to just not voice my opinions? That to me doesn't seem fair.. Pondering with a heavy heart.


Wednesday, April 7, 2010


I have been working at a temp job last week and a half. They say it is possible it is a temp to perm situation. So far it has not been that busy so I have been a little bored. I am so grateful for this opportunity. Today I actually had some data entry stuff to keep me busy. But, up until today my blackberry and my friend Sarah have been keeping me amused during the down times. Today I also brought with me a newspaper and my journal as well. I am trying to make myself useful so that they decide to keep me perm when the time comes. This opportunity came just when I needed it.

I also have still been sending out my resume to a few listings. And I am also keeping myself considered for a job at my husbands company in a new location opening up. Trying to remain open, grateful and explore possibilities for the best fit financially and best for me...


Monday, April 5, 2010


Residents across Arizona said Sunday they felt the effects of the magnitude-7.2 earthquake that shook Baja California, Mexico. Arizonans from Phoenix to Yuma reported swayed buildings, rattled walls and sloshed swimming pools. The U.S. Geological Survey said no major damage was reported from the earthquake, centered 6.2 miles below the open desert about 45 miles southwest of Yuma...

I didn't feel this event from where I was in Scottsdale, AZ at relatives. Apparently part of Phoenix, AZ did...

Thursday, March 25, 2010


It has been tough on me since I lost my job 5/01/09. With only two weeks left on my unemployment extension I am finally going back to work Monday 3/29/2010. It is a temp to perm job and the pay is less than I was making. But, at this point it will replace unemployment and it is better than nothing... I am relieved and happy! It will start at 30 hours a week and hopefully turn into perm and 40 hours a week and a higher hourly rate than I am starting with... *smile* I am grateful!

But, there is other turmoil in my life.... Things I have no control over right now with my financial situation that make it hard for me to enjoy my success... Due to finances and the fact I had tried to turn over my husbands car willfully months ago. I could not afford to keep up on the payments and it was finally repossessed. They of course waited till it looked bad for me and probably didn't even record I tried to
willfully turn it over. So we are back to being a one car family for the time being. I had accepted that... Then another problem surfaced again as a legal issue since I have not been able to make payments on a bank delinquency they are ready to take legal action and sue us for the money we owe them which is over $6,000.00. I tried to reason with them today and they want more a month than I can afford and will pursue us in court and probably end up garnishing our wages that don't even cover our bills as they are right now. I can't seem to win. I am scared and have nowhere to turn for help. I have tried to reach out for help and have not gotten a response. There is no family willing or able to help. It leaves me unsettled and feeling slightly sad.

I need to clear my head. I know I did not intend for things to work out this way and I have no control over what happens and know somehow I will make it through this.


Monday, March 22, 2010

My Father...

I have been thinking about my father lately. When life get's me down I think about the kind of man my dad was and how he cared for me. My father never was mean or unkind to anyone that I am aware of.. He was always there for me. Faced with the challenges in my life right now. I look at people in my life I have reached out to for help and their responses. I am amazed with the lack of care or concern around me. My father taught me if you are able to help anyone you do. I have shared food, money and anything I had to offer because I was lent to believe that is what you do for people you care about . Without asking anything in return. I am not saying this to be a martyr. It goes to the character my dad instilled in me.

My dad was a wonderful man who taught me how to love and care for the people I choose to have in my life. I wish there were more people like him in this world who show community support and love for other people. It sure would make for a better world.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

my mind is clouded...

My mind feels as cluttered with thought as this picture is cluttered with clouds...

How do I make sense of it all?

Today is day two of temperatures in the 80's during the day in Phoenix, AZ. I am loving the weather and trying to put my life into focus. I need to set some goals. I need to find a job.

The one thing I know for sure is that I am clean and sober.. and cigarette free. Is that enough with my unemployment running out and still no job on the horizon. I do not know only my Higher Power knows that. My life is in his hands because I have turned it over to him. So how do I stop worrying? I am supposed to be at peace now knowing it is in the hands of my Higher Power. The truth is I am not always at peace and I get stressed and upset and I cry till I can't cry no more..

Mobile Blogging

Hello this is Dawn blogging mobile from my blackberry to see if this actually works. If it does I can blog on the go from any place and not have to wait till I get home to put down my thoughts!

Monday, March 15, 2010

A New Day...

Today is the New Moon.... My thought just now as I typed that was a Duran Duran song "New Moon on Monday".

Lately I have been doing two practical exercises in intention and abundance. So today I wrote out an abundance check. Both exercises came from The Healing Arts Connection. ( So I am planting seeds in the infinite substance.

Abundance is, above all, the belief--and even more importantly, the feeling--that one is loved. When we feel loved by life itself, we begin to feel that there will always be a place for us in the world.

To contact the spark of your abundance, you might ask yourself, "What nourishes me? What sustains me?" Then list all the things that come to mind, everything from food to friendships to manifestations of more subtle energies. As you consciously recognize these things and begin to own them, you familiarize yourself with your prime territory, the home of your abundance and the place to find the unique strengths that you have to share with the world. No one can take your place in the universe.

I am ready to maintain my awareness of these truths and prosper in an abundant universe.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Emotions we all have them.....

Today is one of those days I am left alone in the house with my feelings and emotions. So I sit here trying to make any sense of them. Here goes nothing...

I hate to talk about my regrets but they have been surfacing lately. I really should have tried to finish college. So I am now an unemployed 43 year old female finding it hard to get a job. One friend has been pressuring me to go back to school saying if they did I could too. I don't feel I am giving excuses... I have unpaid loans from years ago I never had the resources to pay off. So problem number one I do not qualify for a loan. I tried a couple times in recent years to go back to school. Problem two with my current budget even when I was working I can not afford over $900.00 a month or to pay tuition up front which was my only option where I tried to enroll.

I am at a point of nowhere to turn... I have tried asking family for help. Which bring me to a side note. The same family that said move to Arizona and we will be there to support you emotionally and physically if we can. And hence since has taken a tough love approach to my husband and myself. And my own aunt has not even responded to my emails, calls or letter sent through the postal system.

I see on the TV every day help for single moms... I am neither single or a mother! No offense to any of my friends that are... just wishing I fit the model to get some help for myself. As my unemployment is quickly coming to an end and I have been unemployed since 5/01/09. I want to cry out! I need help too can anyone assist me?

The truth is as like for many my self worth means working, helping my husband pay the bills and having money to enjoy life. I am frustrated with the economy. I see people donating outside the US. I feel anger that there isn't any help for the millions of Americans in my same situation. There are not enough jobs for the people unemployed. Some states are hit real hard... When are things going to look up for everyone?? Why isn't there assistance for people like me? Where is the community that holds up their fellow neighbors and helps out when the call is out there.... OK, feeling purged time to now meditate and contact the universe and let it know I am ready to live my abundant universe....